Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Fast

And guess what! I am beginning my fast today. Till Pongal. (No, it is not some Margazhi thing that I am into. I don't think even Andal fasted the month through. But on second thoughts, it makes sense right? Even if my fast fails politically I would have the remnant satisfaction of having done some puja, however unintentional, in the most auspicious month. (Krishna himself says- "Among all months I'm Margazhi!") But the explanation for why it will work, even if I unintentional is a longer story.)

As you might have guessed, I am trying to follow the footsteps of KCR. But, wait a minute- which region do I want a new state for......

Chennai? Nope. Too big. And already my beloved chief minister's son has his eyes on it (From the day he became Mayor, till date with the post of deputy CM- his stronghold has always been Chennai.) And since I don't wish to enter the realm of dirty politics, I better not ask for the whole of Chennai itself. But I have decided to fast. And I better have some demands.

Ummm…. Well….. How about Besant Nagar? Yup. I think that suits me. I have always been this big fan of Besant Nagar (not to mention that I have lived MOST of my life there.) It's cool. And I mean literally. In a place as hot as Chennai, you realize it is a seaside city only in some places. And anybody who has taken a 29C/47A/anything-else-that-goes-to-Besant Nagar (you can ask why I mentioned the first two when the third was coming- to make it authentic, I say ;) ), would know that when you turn left at the Adyar Depot, the temperature automatically goes down by a few 0C. Besides, you get most things you want there. I mean, if you buy yourself a house somewhere in 5th Avenue, you can live the rest of your life there without crossing Adyar.

Which brings me to the point. We are self-sufficient. A good reason to ask for a separate state. (Though any good reason is not a reason in politics!)

But that isn't enough right. Newton's law of
political remonstration says that the force of your protest is directly proportional to the product of the mass of un-reason and poverty on your side and inversely proportional to the square of the similarity between you and the rest of the world, constant of proportionality being G which is 6.673*10-11 Nm2/kg2. (If you want a proof of this theory, ask Newton, as it was he who proposed it. And if you want to know why he used the same constant for 2 theorems, I think it is because students already have too many constants to remember and calculator memory gets wasted by storing them. But Newton may have his own reasons. In any case, you can check it experimentally if you like).

Fpr=G(mump)/Rs2

Anyway our plea itself has enough un-reason that I don't think we need to worry about that. As for poverty, there are all those slums there, and a few pics of the place where the fishermen live near the AshtaLakshmi temple and of the people who sleep on the footpath near the beach should suffice. But how different are we from the rest of Chennai is a tough question. Honestly, I wouldn't know. However, since honesty is NOT the best policy in politics, I can ask them how different Chennai is from the rest of Tamil Nadu, and how different A is from B and so on till whoever asked the question gets chaated enough. Fact is every state/city/region has its own differences and similarities and culture and all that blah that it doesn't really matter in the end. If you look at the number of telugu people inside IITM, you would think it should be made part of Andhra. Luckily, nobody in IIT is jobless enough to fast and ask for a separate state! :) In any case, I can always say that Besant Nagar has always been ignored by everybody else and not given enough attention etc. Though if you look at it that way, people from Salem, Dharmapuri, Namkkal and so on can have their own states since Tamil Nadu's development has been concentrated in Chennai, Trichy, Madurai and Coimbatore; and each state will have its own districts jinka number ab tak nahi aaya; which is an inherent downside of any system- but hey, this is too much of reason- so let's chuck!

Bonus for the state of Besant Nagar is that it is essentially a minority area. Everybody knows that the richer and more posh junta lives there; and everybody also knows that "rich" is always a minority term. It is also a locality with more Tam-Brahms (being part of Mylapore assembly constituency) and if you go by numbers, the number of all people other than Tam-Brahms obviously is much much more than the group itself, but I better not mention that yet!

Anyway, having given my reasons and substantially increased my "force of political remonstration", and having read Margazhi thingal (which is todays' thiruppavai), let me start on the fast.

But hey, looks like a lot of people are fasting now. Not a good idea to implement my plan at the same time lest it goes unheard. Fine, I will do what KCR did. Wait for all the brouhaha to die. And for all the media guys to start talking about price rise (which they seem to have done today itself!), rape cases, and swine flu again. And for all politicians to forget fasting unto death as a sureshot way to rise in TRP (Trick-the-junta Rating Points). And then the people of Besant Nagar shall rise.

And by the way, for the rate at which I am putting on weight, by then it will help my plans of dieting ;)

P.S.- Somebody asked me why it is not a fast unto death. Simple. I know that nobody REALLY can fast for a month. And I know our government is stupid enough to grant me anything, including my own state, if I just "threaten" to fast unto death, long before my deadline of Pongal. And of course, if at all they don't grant it by then ... oh commme onnnnn, u don't doubt the stupidity of the Indian government, do you? :P

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