Wednesday, December 23, 2009

My own million dollar recipe!! -- inspired by Avatar :)

Here is my recipe for a dish that sells for millions of dollars (73 million dollar opening) and will make you an instant hit cook (Cost of the dish was also in millions, but assured returns!).

Serves four (all of them men, preferably)


Graphics – 1kg (more graphics, like more noodles, will serve MORE people)
Machine guns – 1 cup
Missiles and other blah machinery- 1 cup
First-story-Pandora puree (See instructions below) – 500ml
Hi-tech fundae* -1 teaspoon
Good looking hero (cut) – 1 (preferably cut at the leg)
Second-story-patriotism sauce- 2-3 teaspoon (Instructions below)
Spirtuality and some arbit oriental blah- for garnishing
Story- to taste

For the puree- 
Tribal guys – ¾ jar
Sci-fi stuff straight outta Asimov books (like long ears, bluish skin)- ¼ a jar

For the sauce- 
Standard American morons- 2-3 (though 1 should suffice)


Take the graphics in a frying pan, pour the one teaspoon of high-tech fundae (like how arrows block neurotransmitters and kill humans instantaneously; or bodies reinforced with carbon fibers) and allow to fry till golden brown. (Maybe, I should say grayish black since most of the lighting was in that color, maybe coz it's inside the forest**)

While the graphics is cooking, you can make the puree and the sauce.

First-story-Pandora puree 
Take the tribal guys in a jar. Shake them well with the old-world sci-fi stuff like long-eared aliens and tails.
Take just one tribal piece (a gal, of course) and place her in a pan with the good looking hero-alien (not cut) who is a villain to the clan. (Culinary tip- Ensure that she is the daughter of the head of the clan and has a bro who doesn't like the hero) On cooking for few minutes on simmer (and asking the girl to teach the hero the ways of the land), the stew shall become a brilliant bright love-rose red.

Then the rest of the tribals from the jar can be added.

Some standard masala should be sprinkled, such as- 1. When the heroine teaches the hero to hold a bow, he should turn to look at her instead of the target. 2. When they walk on some narrow path, the hero should slip and the heroine should save him even though she hates him from the bottom of her heart. 3. Whenever the heroine scolds the hero, he should give a sweet reply and she should go blushing. (Culinary tip- blushing makes the puree a more delicious red)

For spice lovers- add one or two good kisses.

Second-story-Patriotism sauce

Take 3-4 war loving American heartless morons and place them in the bottle with the Pandora puree. Due to space constraints, the American morons will overflow outta the jar. But being Americans, they will try to break the jar itself and send the tribal puree out. No amount of sensible speech OR biology bullshit OR soul-connection-theories shall push them out. In any case, some of the puree shall also boil in fury at the encroachment of its territory. And the hero piece will give enough speeches to raise them. (No yeast needed. The hero shall act as yeast-cum-human-cum-tribal-alien) When the puree is just about to overflow, shove the American guys inside and firmly shut the lid. (You can watch the ensuing commotion and boiling inside the jar and not bother how much of the stew overran itself into destruction). Time tested technique (what with the hero in the puree), so you needn't worry about the safety of the bottle; it will eventually calm down.

Back to the main recipe.

While you have been making the puree and the sauce, the graphics would have cooked marvelously well. (Perfect detailing, amazing special effects). Now you can add the machine guns and machinery and good-looking hero (cut) and mix well. Then pour copious amounts of puree and sauce and leave to cook for few minutes.

Remove from the stove and garnish with the stuff like souls talking and uploading of mental data into a tree of souls and conservation of energy *** (Needn't add story to taste, unless you are particular).

Additional culinary tips-

  • If you are not a seasoned (pun intended) cook, better refer to popular cookbooks like Harry Potter (especially on flying dinosaurs and hippogriffs) and Pokemon (for strange looking animals).
  • Also trying out simpler recipes like video games might help.
  • Don't think adding scoops of good music will make it taste better; you can still manage with pathetic unimaginative music.
  • If you can afford it, cooking on iMax 3D can enhance the taste to a great extent.
  • My grandmother says- add a one-on-one combat between hero and villain in the end- nothing adds to the pungent taste of action like that one. Now that is what I call grandma's touch!
* hi-tech fundae should be of the same flavor as all English action movies, state-of-the-art machinery, mind-transferring technology and so on.

** I must admit the lighting and the depiction of the forest was very good. Perfect to the smallest details! Truly admirable!

*** The heroine says- "We believe that 'All energies are borrowed. And someday you have to give them back to nature' "

I am known to be a bad cook. I am assuming this recipe will work since it is working for Cameron. Please adjust if it tastes bad.

1 comment:

  1. hello that was cool stuff ......check out my blog some times..i am from the same profession.if possible we will network


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