Let us ban the JEE

You know what. For once, I agree with the Congress. Actually more than agree with it. Let us ban the JEEs. No, seriously. Let us not just change them. Let us completely ban the JEEs because they are the root of all evil. (Proof: They are the root of money for most of their alumni, and hence the root of inflow of money into India from NRIs as precursors of the IT boom- and we all know what money is the root of.) But it's not just the money. As most of our media, and part of the blogverse has jumped in to prove, the IITs are the source of all our problems. Pliss to explain.

First of all, the JEE screws up your school life. Quite obviously. Most students spend almost all their time in studying for the exam for 2 years (or many more) practicing problems they shall never even see again. You know, if the JEE wasn't there, your parents wouldn't be behind you to study for the AIEEE or the PMPD or a few decades ago, the IAS exam. No. Your parents would simply let you watch TV all evening, play Gilli-Danda and get 40% on your finals. And anyway, we can skip board exams these days.

It is the JEE that screws up everything, and makes them put you in a coaching center, where you are taught stuff way beyond the "scope of the textbook". Where the chemistry equations are not written down for you to mug, but mechanisms explained. Where you don't just mug up how to substitute t=tan x for integration question in Ex 11.3 4th problem, from RD Sharma, but you actually have to think of why there is a singularity if you solve the integration assuming symmetry. And obviously, it is evil the way coaching centers find readymade algorithms for a supposedly logical process- problem solving. But then again, saying that implies CAT is the root of all evil. No no. CAT is not the root of evil because there you only mug how to solve logical reasoning problems- something definitely more worth mugging than the method to calculate the torque acting on a complex pulley system. And, of course, way easier. But I'm digressing. The point is that JEE is the reason that children don't watch TV anymore or play on the streets. (Not the Xbox, of course!). Obviously, shouldn't we simply ban the JEE for this?

But hold on, I have more reasons to list. JEE is not only the killer of the tender Indian tots' school life, but is a cancer that is eating through our education system. As many IITians have proven recently (from their blogs written on computers paid for by the few hundred thousand dollars they earn in some international investment banking job, for which they were selected purely based on the IIT brand name that they are now condemning), IITs don't really have world class education. Of course, you might want to say that nobody thought that anyway. But fine, the point is that the IITs are simply over-hyped. The students at IITs mug as much as they can (which is quite easy, after all those years of practice) and there is no emphasis on conceptual understanding. Nobody even enjoys the subjects or learns them because they like them. Which is horrible, considering that throughout school students have been learning for the sake of enjoyment and picking disciplines out of passion and not because they pay; because students have always loved the learning process, having been taught by excellent teachers who encourage love for the subject and who possess an excellent understanding of it themselves. It is more than tragic that after all these years of learning being fun, the student is suddenly locked into the IITs which, like a housefly fallen into a dish of yummy pho, kills their pleasure of learning. Especially because most students lo-o-vvve studying and are waiting for every chance to do it well, given the right education system. Really, most students would fantasize solving partial differential equations with eyes close and experience a "high" at seeing a new Hamiltonian operator problem, if only the IIT education was more interesting. I tell you... It is all because of the JEEs.

And who are those stupid bloggers who talk about hard work as character building? Character building- my foot! All the character that Kota builds (and that is further honed by staying in the hostel) is pot and weed and watching you know what. What would so many "great" authors like Chetan Bhagat have to write about if IIT coaching and the hostels didn't build such character? Because, you see, most students wouldn't do these things unless there head was full of math. Because, students who don't prepare for the IITs don't dope or drink or even think about it. What about the people who actually learn from the hard-work to keep pushing themselves to become achievers in life, you ask me? But of course, they are the boring nerds, JEE or no JEE.You don't have to consider them anyway.

The other thing is that JEE is the carrot hanging in front of you that promises more money. It is the tantalizing, almost addictive (and only legitimate) dream that fills the heads of hundreds of Indian students. Isn't it vicious for one exam to promise a changed life for so many hundreds of students? How can we let it be? Besides, as many people (including Aamir Khan) say, don't study for the money. Study because you like something. Because Bill Gates hires the lazy guys and the Wipro chairman will give you a job even if you almost fail all your exams (like Sharman). Because if your income is too low, and you have family responsibilities to fulfill, you are simply being a joke from a black and white movie. Because if you have too many debts and no money, it is stupid to take the option that brings you to a better position and very smart to go after your dreams (which you often realize weren't what you thought- because almost no dream is as good as what it appears to be!) Apart from being an almost boring reason, economics cannot and must not decide your choices, and in such a situation, all the bloggers who say "follow your dreams" would die of starvation defending their principles than take the economic option.

And, as I said before, JEE is the root of money, which is the root of all evil.

But the effects of the IIT virus don't stop there. JEE, as some IITian wrote recently, are the source of the Great Indian Hypocrisy- the cycle of nurturing hollow minds and lying to ourselves about what we really are. Because people in no other country are hypocrites. Also because, hypocrisy was very alien to Indians until the IITs were found. Because, from banning adult talk but insisting on marrying strangers chosen by parents (and on having a child 10 months after marriage), to paying bribes to the traffic policeman so we can go to the temple early and wash away our sins- we Indians are anything but hypocrites. Our thoughts, deeds and actions all resonate the truth we believe in and we are true sons of Gandhi, the epitome of Indian truthfulness, a man who believed in blind-faith rituals so long as they united people, while acknowledging that they are really not good for people in the long run. (Also a man who shines in our 1000 Rupee notes, but that's beside the point!) Because JEEs and the IIT dream are what cause Indians to be hollow- Indians who are full of deep thought and immense profundity most of the time (eg: while appreciating Kolaveri and reading Chetan Bhagat!)

So, you see. I agree with Kapil Sibal and the hundreds of bloggers who think that JEEs should be changed. I say ban them. Can't you see that Brilliant tutorials and FIITJEE are closing shop already? And poor students from nameless remote villages shall soon become IITians (which is weird, because if the IITs are evil, why do we want our poor students to get there?). Indian students shall start loving their subjects and enjoy their lessons and it shall be the Renaissance of Kabaddi and Lock-and-Key because computer games won't take our time anymore. Because the JEEs are the one thing that come between India and Revolution 2020 (or Vallarasu 2020- Vijaykanth style). 

In fact, why should we leave it to chance? Let us just ban all entrance exams. Maybe that might lead to Revolution 2013 instead of 2020. And while we are at it, let us free children from the problem of having to learn. Let us simply ban all exams, because they cause class divides and they favor the rich who can send their children to (better) schools. Actually, on second thoughts, let us ban education- because it is injustice to the majority of Indians who can't pay to go to school and are illiterate. That way, the rich shall be as illiterate as the poorest farmer and then we shall have equal opportunity for everybody. Besides, that will free our students to open the windows and "let the atmosphere come in"..