Monday, April 2, 2012

The tinge of hatred

There are times when I don't love you.
There are times when my feeling is almost close to hatred.
No, not anger. Hatred.
But only close, and I hope never there.
And yet how could life ever be complete in your absence
how would my existence make any sense?

I sometimes wonder what I would do after you are gone,
Instinct says I should go along,
but the rational me would say just go on.
But again, how could I go on in a world without you,
who would I rejoice my little victories with, who would I cry about my failures to?
No. I am not dependent, I am not tied,
And yet I am all that and more.

The surge of affection I feel this minute-
A blind urge to protect you from the world's cruelties,
and make sure you would never be gone..
Yet, who am I but a mere spectator, a tool in the hands of an unending cycle
An evanescent dot in the vast universe- bright one fleeting moment, gone the next?
and how could two mere dots feel such an unencompassable emotion?

Yet, if you were to go, there would be a gaping hole

Not a mere dot that vanished, but something in me gone forever.
Maybe because, for all my rationality, it is this that makes me complete-
the love, the reason for the love and
the tinge of hatred.

P.S: 1. I haven't posted for long and there are quite a few posts in my Drafts- hope they see light of day sometime. Sorry, readers! Sorry, myself, too because I had almost forgotten the joy of writing..
2. This poem is dedicated to the many people I have loved, respected, been inspired by and who have made my life complete (even, if I hated them for some moments!). There was a time in my life when I used to think it didn't matter, but with time I have realized I was naive then, and that, like Dumbledore so often says, love is the most powerful magic in the world. I know that sounds like a Bollywood dialogue, but really, that's what I felt the moment I started reading this article- The value of the people I have got, and how my world would crash if they were gone...

4 comments:

  1. ... nice... you're right, its naive... yet i find it articulate.. almost judging myself for feeling this way...

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  2. im not going to say this is so unlike u. im also not going to say that this is very much like you. here's what i feel:

    "i am happy to see a level of intelligence in you which enables you to stay neither in nor out."

    hence. i request you to keep in mind that u r currently at the boundary, and that trying to oscillate may yield better results.

    - who else but the wise birbal? ;)

    ReplyDelete
  3. Thanks! I think even I judged myself for what I wrote, but in retrospect, it is true.
    Makes me wonder if it is ok for something that I don't completely approve of to be true and for me to make no attempt to change it. Maybe, my approval is not accurate...

    ReplyDelete
  4. And wow.. The second comment is very wise :)
    However, oscillation is generally an unstable state, but then one can always argue that any state involves some minor oscillation...

    ReplyDelete

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